We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
