is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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