At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
