If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
