Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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