I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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