I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
