I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
