That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
