i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
