Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
