So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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