Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
