I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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