God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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