It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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