Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
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You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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