I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
