And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
