He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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