you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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