I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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