Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
