i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
