we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
