I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
