She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
