I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
