Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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