all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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