EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
