The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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