We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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