he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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