I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
