Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
