I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
