Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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