Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
