We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
