He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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