My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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