the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
