How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize