Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
