Don't you send me to vm
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
