Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
