we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
