its not stalking. its research.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
