My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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