I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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