you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
