McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
