the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
