it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
