idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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