My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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