Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
