I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
