Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize