I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
