So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
