I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
