Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
