It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
