mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Randomize
