My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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