I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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